Ask a Silly Question....

Ask a Silly Question?

Several years ago I was at a store in downtown Austin standing at the cooler at the back of the store. After a long day on the road in the Texas summer heat I had a strong need for something to drink. Standing there trying to decide which of the many offerings, I heard some young(er) men approach from my right. It was obvious to me that they had already been enjoying some of the refreshments from the cooler and were returning for more.

I heard one of them speak out to his friends quiet loudly not realizing his voice level due to the amount of alcohol that coursed through his bloodstream. The remark was "Hey... Watch me mess with this Blind Dude."

Now let me explain why the young man would have reason for such a stupid statement. About a year before, I had a Retnal Detachment in my right eye eventually resulting in the loss of half of my sight in that eye. Over the year I would have to wear a eye patch over the eye especially late in the day after a day of the eye trying to make the compensations for the sight loss. Without the aide I would get headaches resulting sometimes into migraines. Instead of waiting for it to happen I would usually start wearing the patch just to avoid the pain.

This is what the young man and his friends saw standing in front of the cooler as they approached. An old guy with a patch over his right eye. Now understand that this was not the first time I had been approached and asked the question "Hey what happened to your eye?" This question, I had come to regard as a question that really was none of their business especially if they were a stranger.

I guess that day was the kind of day that was one question to many.   I tried to ignore the question as if I had not heard him. So, he "broke the camel's back" by walking up, tapping me on the shoulder while giggling and asked again "Say Mister.. What Happened To Your Eye?" 

I calmly turned to the young man and the two others who stood behind him, all waiting for my explanation, which I said straight faced as possible, I simply replied just one word...."Bear".

He stood for a couple of seconds trying to decipher my answer.

After a few more seconds I continued my explanation... "It was the summer of 82 on a mountain just north of Juneau Alaska along a creek while I was panning for gold. I had stood up and turned to find a 10 foot tall Grizzly Bear standing on his hind legs beside me. Before I could move, he grabbed my head.. leaned down and sucked my eye ball right out of my head."

As I told the story the young man's eyes got bigger and bigger as he listened... The two other young men I think, had figured out that I was in turn, messing with their friend and stood behind him with small smiles on their faces. To finish the effect.. I stepped closer to him and reached up as if I was going to raise the patches flap and said

"Want to See?"

All he could do was stutter... No. No... That's OK.... as he finally realized the predicament he had put himself in...
 
I stepped back and  a smile on my face... I made my final remark to young man who I hope to this day remembers how embarrassed he was by asking. All I said as I turned to look back at the cooler to make a final decision on what to buy was  "Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer."

I reached in and pulled out my choice then turned to find the isle where they had stood empty.
I don't have to wear the patch anymore, at least not very often but I still keep one available just in case.

And I've decided that if ever another walks up to me and asks me the "Silly Question". I've got my new answer ready...

I would turn to them with the same straight face and say "Aliens"......
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Onward Thru The Fog...

Johnny..